Occasionally while on a long drive I listen to podcasts. The other day while driving between St. Louis and Kansas City one of the podcasts I listened to was Penn's Sunday School. +Penn Jillette hosts the show with +Michael Goudeau and +Matt Donnelly as co-hosts.
Penn's Sunday School speaks on a variety of matters from the mundane to the absurd, but one topic Penn mentioned on episode 116 really made me think. I was thinking about it again today on this morning's run.
"No one gets to choose their funeral" is the idea that Penn put forth on his show. This isn't the first time I had considered this. It was just the time it really settled in.
I have sometimes expressed ideas about how I would want my funeral. From an early age, saving my family from the funeral industry's exploitation concerned me. "You don't have to bother with a funeral and casket or any of that racket." I said to my family. "Just put my remains in a bag and toss me in the woods. Nature will take care of the rest."
Eventually someone informed me that this was illegal. "Well, don't get caught." and "You can't bow to the funeral lobby that easily." were two of my first reactions.
I remember one time that I got really mad that my mom admitted that if something happened to me while she was still in control of such things, she would have a Catholic funeral despite my lack belief. But of course she would, I now realize. Perhaps I was in a particularly antsy mood that day, but I can see her point of view. She believes in her path to eternal life and she would like to see me there too. That is just what a loving mother would do.
When people make decisions for someone's funeral, I have no doubt that many do attempt to honor the wishes of the departed the best they can. This is still no guarantee of it. In fact, if you have a vision of what your funeral will be like, you can rest assured it will not happen exactly like that. The reason is simple. You will be dead. Whatever vision you had will die with you and your survivors will only have their own memories of you. They will emphasize the parts of your life that were important to them. As well they should. They will talk about what they want to talk about. As well they should.
No one gets to choose their funeral because no one gets to choose how they are remembered. Whatever a person does in life is tinted by the perceptive lens of those around them. I think this also reveals that no one gets to choose how they are perceived while living either. Look at George W. Bush. Maybe to him, a huge part of who he is, is a dog painter. However, he cannot escape the reality that a warmongering president is how he will be remembered.
So what is my take away? Accept that I cannot control a lot outside myself. Figure out what and who I am, and be the best at that. Enjoy it. I think that by starting from there, my deceased self would probably have been pretty satisfied with whatever after death arrangements persist.
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