Balance

One of the many things that I admire about Chris is that she does a better job keeping a balance of things in her life than me. Despite everyone in her life always pressing her buttons until the letters are worn off and its all sticky, she can really power through and make things work to a point that I cannot seem to sacrifice myself to. It is because she cares a whole hell of a lot about people. She has given St. Louis a little more light at the end of it's tunnel since moving here and the city should be happy to have her.

I wish I was able to hold it together under pressure like she can. But I am nowhere near as strong as she is in this area. A lot of times I am too aggressive when I should be more calm, or too calm when I should be more aggressive. Or too authoritarian when I need to relax and vice versa.

This is especially important in parenting. Sometimes I get too overwhelmed and I feel like I am just barking commands instead of getting input from our boys. When they do not feel like they are involved in the decision making, they get pretty worked up. Everyone gets worked up when they feel like they have no control over their situation.

Since she has been in a manager position where she works, Chris has a lot of experience with getting input from those under her. At least that was her managerial style, and I would agree that it works best. Some managers try to make all the decisions themselves and then have no one to blame but themselves when things go wrong. Working as a cooperative team is important.

At home it is a good idea to make sure children feel involved too. I know that when I do this correctly, everyone tends to be much happier. Most days I ask Jupiter where he wants to go. And if I am making plans independently because a festival, playgroup, or some other event opportunity comes up, I try to make sure to ask him if it sounds like something he would like to do before making the plan.

Obviously, at eight months old, Tsunami does not get to make too many big choices yet. But even without speaking English, Tsunami can do a pretty good job of letting me know when he is making a decision about which toy he wants or what food on his plate he wants. As long as I am paying adequate attention, which I admittedly fail at sometimes, the more developed linguistics are not all that necessary.

Of course, in any relationship this applies too. As Chris's husband, I need to listen to her input, even about decisions that affect me more than her. It builds a stronger spousal relationship to let a significant other help you with things that you have going on. I am not saying that spouses should control one another's actions, but that they should give each other input and acknowledge when it is given to them to the best of their ability.

I guess I would say that overall awareness of the needs of everyone in the environment around you, no matter which role you hold, in any given situation, is the best way to go. One can dictate and try to get what they want by barking orders, but it does not seem to me to go nearly as far as being open and understanding to everyone's needs.