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Divorce in the Journey to Happiness

billofdivorceI think divorce gets a bad rap in our society. It gets painted as a problem when most often it is a solution to a problem marriage. Sometimes, for example when people marry their high school sweetheart, people have made an error in thinking that they have found someone who matches what they want for the rest of their lives. In this case, a divorce is the solution.

Successful marriages have been studied to be associated with higher education and age. This makes sense. The more you know, the more you know what you are looking for in a partner.

Many people are foregoing the whole idea of marriage altogether. Many people realize that as people grow, interests change and that you cannot definitely say that two people will remain interested in the same things for the rest of their lives. I am married to my wife, but I can see that point of view.

Marriage in The US is also convenient for legal reasons. Taxes are higher on single people, and while the state using taxes to encourage marriage is deplorable, it is cheaper to be married. There is also the issue of custody should something unfortunate happen to one of us. Men do not always get the kids in that situation if the parents are not wed, but that varies from state to state.

Chris and I had Jupiter out of marriage voluntarily. He is, by definition, a bastard. We did not see why marriage and kids necessarily needed to go together. Chris had just gotten out of a marriage and I did not see the need to rush ours. But we both wanted to have kids and thought that we would both be good parents to a kid.

I waited until after Jupiter came to ask her. I did not want to give off the perception that we were getting married just because we were making family. I wanted marriage to actually mean something. It is different for different humans, but to me it means that I think we can grow our interests together for a long time.

It seems to me like the perception is opposite the problem. Sometimes people just should not get married, but they do anyway. Sometimes people make a mistake that they only realize later on. No doubt divorce is a terrible thing to have to go through, but I think that it is sometimes necessary. Really, I think divorce statistics are a bit irrelevant as a negative, because sometimes marriage was the problem and divorce is the solution. If the divorce rate is up, that could mean that people are finally getting the right solutions to their problems. If Chris did not have a divorce before me, we would not have this awesome family together.
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  1. Carra McClelland1/16/12, 1:35 PM

    Well...getting divorced sucked, but as you know, the freedom I have now was well worth the pain. Having gone through it, I do agree that if it ain't working, and is not going to, it is best for both parties to part company, as hard as that is to see when one is going through it.

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