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Fifteen Years of Fatherhood: Reflections and Revelations

As Jupiter turns 15, I find myself in a reflective state, marveling at the journey of fatherhood and the incredible changes it has brought – both in my son and in myself. Jupiter’s Growth: Strength from Challenges Jupiter's entry into the world wasn't without its challenges. There were medical complications that initially gave us a scare, but he emerged as one of the strongest individuals I know. His resilience is a constant source of pride and inspiration. Over the years, he has developed a diverse array of interests, keeping not just himself but our entire family actively engaged and always on our toes. Family Dynamics: Embracing Change The shape of our family today is vastly different from what I had envisioned 15 years ago. But this evolution is not just okay; it's a testament to our adaptability and commitment to providing the best for Jupiter and his brother, Tsunami. Families, I've learned, are not static entities but living, breathing units that grow and adapt t

Secular Parenting in a Religious World - A Book Review

There are far too few parenting books that address parenting from a secular point of view. So when I was asked to take a look at McKerracher's recent offering into the parenting book realm, I was immediately intrigued. There is a strong argument to be made that the secular values of knowledge, reason, logic, kindness, honesty, and love make for a great guide in raising tomorrow's youth. Compared with many religiously motivated guides of mostly authoritarianism and fear based parenting, McKerracher shows exactly why both religious and nonreligious parents can benefit by only presenting religion to children in an objective and unbiased manner leaving them to make their own decision about what they believe once they reach a developmental age at which they are capable of separating what is real and what is not. In one chapter, she tackles the myth that I often hear regurgitated by religious apologists that children are innately believers in a god. By pointing out the logical

Balance

One of the many things that I admire about Chris is that she does a better job keeping a balance of things in her life than me. Despite everyone in her life always pressing her buttons until the letters are worn off and its all sticky, she can really power through and make things work to a point that I cannot seem to sacrifice myself to. It is because she cares a whole hell of a lot about people. She has given St. Louis a little more light at the end of it's tunnel since moving here and the city should be happy to have her. I wish I was able to hold it together under pressure like she can. But I am nowhere near as strong as she is in this area. A lot of times I am too aggressive when I should be more calm, or too calm when I should be more aggressive. Or too authoritarian when I need to relax and vice versa. This is especially important in parenting. Sometimes I get too overwhelmed and I feel like I am just barking commands instead of getting input from our boys. When they do

The Abuse of Overparenting

Psychology Today has a great article about how overparenting can be downright abusive sometimes. It is an article I recommend reading: As parents, we all have that innate desire to protect and provide for our kids. Yet, at some point we must ask ourselves, are we doing too much for them? When do our actions cross the line from offering security and support to embarrassing them in front of their entire basketball team? The mis-attunement in this particular mother's actions was clear in everything from her lack of pause to the odd choice of items she brought to soothe her son, whose minor injury doubtfully rendered him either thirsty or cold. However, we are all guilty of mild and extreme acts of over-protectiveness and over-parenting that can be very damaging to a developing child. I tend to overparent from time to time. My aim is to let my children learn from their own experiences by exploring the world, but sometimes I get caught up in my own selfish agenda. This is something tha

The Parental Rights Amendment vs. the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child

Apparently the UN convention on the Rights of the Child aims to state basic rights that children are allowed by virtue of their own individual existence. However, it shall not be ratified in the United States if so called "pro-family" organizations have anything to say. They want to make sure that children are seen as property of the parents, subject to all the backwards thinking that comes with that responsibility. From the Harvard Humanist Community Project : The text of the treaty itself covers a lot of freedoms such as freedom of thought, conscience, religion, opinion, and expression, as well as more concrete things like the rights to health care and an education.  Unfortunately, objections like those at ParentalRights.org have prevented this treaty from ratification in United States (the only other nation to similarly refuse is Somalia).  What could a “pro-family” parental rights group possibly have against this?  Fancy that, they made a list of their objections [in thei

The Other F Word

I have been wanting to see this film since I first heard about it. I grew up listening to a lot of punk rock, so I was very interested to see what the artists interviewed and followed in The Other F Word had to say about parenting. The documentary finds several veteran punk rockers and asks them questions about the hardships of touring with their quasi-famous punk bands while trying to raise kids at the same time. At first the film is pretty depressing. It depicts the punkers as absent fathers who are out doing shows which they do not really have very much passion for anymore. One of them admits that they might as well be blowing up balloon animals, implying that they are nothing more than cheap entertainment bought and sold by the same types of corporations that some of them set out to rebel against. In one part of the movie, Lars Frederiksen of Rancid, takes his kid to the playground and clears the whole place out. He jokes on screen about how all you need to do to get the park to y

Teen Calls Cops on Mom Having Sex

Parents, watch out! Your kids might not appreciate the sounds you make with your significant other at night. The girl, 15, told an officer that she wanted to go to a local shelter “because she heard her mother having sex” and “felt disrespected” by her 35-year-old parent’s actions. The teen acknowledged that “there was no form of abuse or neglect in the house.” Seems a little over the top to me. After some sense was talked into her, the 15 year old decided that she still wants to live at home. If your kid is trying to regulate your sex life, maybe you should have a look at your relationship with them.

Helicoptering

One thing that I think I need to work on with Jupiter is being less of a helicopter sometimes. A helicopter parent is a term for one who hovers over their children like a helicopter to the extent that they do not let them learn from their own experiences. It is a form of over-parenting. I do not think that I am as bad about it as some parents I see, but I do think that I could work on it a bit and so I have been. Mostly I have trouble letting him make a mess because it causes more work for me, but I just need to get over it and clean up the mess and be thankful that he had the chance at a new learning experience. The other day we were at the Magic House and all but one small section of the museum was closed until noon. Jupiter was playing in a water area that has a stream of water on several levels with boats and dams and watering cans, as well as a little fountain area, an enclosed water gun case, and a couple other things to help teach young children about how we can interact with w

The Santa Lie

When I was young my parents followed a tradition which I imagine was passed down to them from their parents who received the tradition from their parents before them and so on for a generation or two before them. I am of course talking about the yearly tradition of deceiving their gullible offspring with myths of a jolly man who lives at the North Pole. I fell for it. They were fairly elaborate to the point of even having a man dressed up as a Santa come to the front door one year. This of course sparked my suspicion a little. Why the front door and not the chimney? Though I do not remember what it was, a satisfactory explanation was given and I continued to believe in it. Eventually I did finally figure it all out, mostly through ridicule from schoolmates and my 3rd grade teacher for still believing it. I did not take the news well. I did not understand that my parents, who regularly told me that lying is wrong and makes Jesus cry, would keep up such an elaborate and ultimately pointl

Uncommon Names

Every once in awhile, I come across an article having to do with what is considered by some "higher authority" to be an abusive name. A 9-year-old girl whose name was Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii was taken into state custody in New Zealand a few years ago. The judge said, "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap." More recently, Heath and Deborah Campbell who named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell are in a custody battle their their kid's over the name. This, despite the judge saying that there was no evidence of abuse in the home according to Heath. In the first case, I think it is definitely a stretch to call Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii a social disability and handicap. If the girl feels embarrassed by her name she could shorten it to Talula when she introduces herself. The article even said that her friends refer to her as "K", as if a one letter name is so much more acceptable than a 6 word one.

How NOT To Keep Your Kids Under Control

Say your kids keep trying to escape from the lovely home that you provide for them. What are some reasonable ways to prevent this from happening? You could provide the sort of home that the kids would be happy to stay in. For example, a home that is large enough for the eight people who live in it. A home where the animal feces are picked up once in a while. A home where the urine smell is kept to a minimum. We cannot all afford a luxurious option such as this though, so let's look at some alternatives. A home in North Platte, NE has their own solution : [The officer] said the child's mother put her 3-year-old and 5-year-old children in the kennel because she says they tried to climb out of the house at night. Now this is certainly an effective solution. It is low maintenance. You do not need to worry about keeping your eye on the kids. You know exactly where they are at all times. As long as you take them out of the trailer house on their leash and walk them a few times a day

The Evolution of Dad

The Evolution of Dad is by no means a new a documentary about the rise of stay at-home dads. But still very relevant. It follows the stories of different men who are the primary caregivers for their children. It takes a look at the struggles of fathers looking to take care of children. It addresses some of the social stigma, the reasons, and the responsibilities that male primary caregivers incur. As a stay at-home dad, it hit home for me in an informative and inspiring way, but I think it would be enjoyable for anyone. I encourage anyone interested in the reality stay at-home dads to check it out. http://evolutionofdad.com

Social Media and Parenting

Since I started staying home with Jupiter a couple years ago, my social media usage has gone way up. The thing is, being a stay at-home parent can be lonely. Social media counters that nicely. I first discovered Twitter while I was still working, but it gained new value once it was the majority of my social interaction. I made a lot of friends with it. Most of them local. I would later meet many of them in person. Many of them, I noticed, we're parents as well. I had used my Facebook account for years and there is a huge mix of people on it. During the day there are many parents on it too, however I did not really connect with new people through Facebook. Facebook has always been a tool that I use to connect with people I already know. Google+ has entered the arena recently. I have found that it is the best social network for connecting with people who fit a certain group, such as "Stay At-Home Dads" for me. The other night after a single search for that term, I have a &q

Testosterone and Fatherhood

A recent study lead by a group at the Psychology Department of Memorial University of Newfoundland, St. John's, NF, Canada has been making the rounds in the media lately. This study finds evidence that fathers, especially involved fathers, have lower testosterone levels than their single counterparts. Much speculation has been made of this on parenting and at-home dad blogs and forums that I frequent. The New York Times brought attention to the study by casting it in stereotypical negative light in the very first sentence: This is probably not the news most fathers want to hear. Why would the author of the article assume that? Well, this Harvard professor of evolutionary biology, Peter Ellison, has one idea: “I think American males have been brainwashed” to believe lower testosterone means that “maybe you’re a wimp, that it’s because you’re not really a man. “My hope would be that this kind of research has an impact on the American male. It would make them realize that we’re mean